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| source : kidcoach.app |
I’ll be honest, the first time I heard the word reparenting, I raised an eyebrow. It sounded a bit… woo-woo. Like some trend where you buy yourself ice cream and call it healing.
But after reading and listening to stories from therapists, trauma experts, and everyday people working through real emotional wounds, I realized this idea is not fluff. In fact, it might be one of the most practical, compassionate tools we can use to heal the parts of ourselves that never got what we needed growing up.
And if you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “Why am I like this?” after reacting too strongly, people-pleasing until you’re burnt out, or feeling shame over setting boundaries, this might be for you too.
Let’s dive in.
What Reparenting Really Means (It’s Not About Acting Like a Baby)
At its core, reparenting is about learning to care for yourself, emotionally, in the way you wish you had been cared for as a child.
It’s not about blaming your parents for everything or giving in to every craving. It’s about recognizing that some of the coping strategies, fears, and self-talk you developed were shaped by early experiences. And now, as an adult, you get to choose differently.
Nicole Johnson, a licensed counselor and author of the upcoming book “Reparenting Your Inner Child”, puts it this way:
“So many of us are walking around with childhood wounds that are influencing our relationships, our choices and how we cope and deal with life, and we just haven’t made that connection yet.”
Reparenting is about making that connection, and rewriting the script.
Who Needs Reparenting? (Hint: Probably More of Us Than We Realize)
You don’t have to have had a traumatic childhood to benefit from reparenting. Emotional neglect, inconsistency, harsh criticism, or being taught to suppress your needs, all of these are common and valid reasons why your inner child might still be hurting.
Dr. Brian Razzino, a clinical psychologist, says one clue is to listen to how you talk to yourself:
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Do you feel guilty for resting?
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Do you panic when someone’s upset with you?
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Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining?
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Do you constantly feel “not enough,” no matter how much you do?
If any of that hits home, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your nervous system learned that survival sometimes meant fawning, pleasing, over-functioning, or staying small.
How to Start Reparenting Yourself (No Fancy Tools Required)
This isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. But here are a few ways therapists recommend starting, gently and with intention.
1. Notice Your Inner Dialogue
Pay attention to the voice in your head. Is it harsh? Does it sound like a parent, coach, or teacher from your childhood? What does it say when you make a mistake or feel sad?
Awareness is the first step. Dr. Avigail Lev, a cognitive psychologist, says we’re often unknowingly repeating how our caregivers treated us.
“Reparenting starts with validating our internal experience,” she explains. That doesn’t mean indulging bad habits, it means replacing shame with understanding.
2. Practice the Voice of a Loving Parent
What would a healthy, supportive parent say to a hurting child? Try saying that to yourself.
Let’s say you mess up at work and start spiraling:
“Ugh, I’m such an idiot.”
“That was tough. I’m allowed to make mistakes. I can learn and move forward.”
It feels weird at first. But over time, that voice becomes more natural, and more powerful than you think.
3. Get Curious About Your Triggers
When something hits you harder than it “should,” ask: “What does this remind me of?”
Maybe getting criticized by your boss feels like being scolded by your dad. Or maybe not hearing back from a friend taps into a fear of abandonment.
Reparenting asks: What did I need back then that I didn’t get? And how can I offer that to myself now?
4. Reconnect With the Inner Child
Some people find it helpful to:
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Look at a photo of themselves as a child
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Write a letter to their younger self
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Recreate a joyful memory (like watching your favorite cartoon, eating that nostalgic snack, or swinging at the park)
Others imagine literally comforting their inner child, like sitting beside them after a hard day and saying, “You didn’t deserve that. I’ve got you now.”
It’s powerful stuff.
Why It’s Not Selfish (Even If It Feels That Way)
A lot of us were taught that self-compassion is indulgent. That we should “suck it up,” push through, and not complain.
But here’s the truth: Kindness to yourself isn’t weakness. It’s what helps you show up with more patience, love, and resilience, not less.
Dr. Lev reminds us that learning to parent ourselves actually makes us more compassionate toward others:
“When you heal your own wounds, you stop projecting them onto your kids, partners, or friends.”
That’s how the cycle changes, and how it doesn’t pass down.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Need to Be “Fixed” Just Understood
Reparenting isn’t a one-and-done thing. It’s a slow, steady practice of getting to know yourself better, noticing the patterns that no longer serve you, and showing up with love, even when it’s hard.
Some days, it might look like journaling or breathing through a panic spiral. Other days, it might be as simple as saying, “I did enough today.”
And if it feels overwhelming, know this: You don’t have to do it alone. A good therapist can help guide you through the layers, give you tools to cope, and remind you, again and again, that you’re worthy of love, just as you are.
Especially from yourself.